I don't know how to tell the truth,and now my lies had finally caught up with me.The weirdest thing is that it was so easy to tell before I dug a whole for myself,hiding it for so long...I'm tired of causing problems,of lying to everyone,of being unkind to other people without knowing why.

I wish I could understant why I push the limits so much.Why I keep testing people and how they'll go for me if it's no use,if it always ends up with someone hurt.

I wanna change.I wanna be all outgoing and bubbly,I wanna be plain and simple like every other girl out there,I wanna be able to make the right decisions and only make mistakes when there's no other way around,and not because I chose to.

Well,I guess that's the beauty of youth,trying to figure out who you're supposed to be,and making mistakes,and tryin' to understand what's going on with your head...but it's just painful.

I don't like changes.I don't like surprises and things happening too fast.I'm scared of time,I'm scared of paychecks and jobs and making my own decisions.I'm afraid of being independent and it makes me a fucking mess.

I wish there was someone I could talk to,someone who could just listen and be there.

I'm scared of feeling nothing and I'm scared of feeling too much.I'm scared of love and of pain.And I'm scared of being hurt,and scared of being hopeful.Even my thoughts scare me these days,'cause I always think that if I think something horrible and mean,it will come true.And mostly,I'm afraid of being happy,'cause whenever things are goin' great,there's always something to take it away from me,something that'll come back hunting me and making me unhappy all over again.

I just want it to stop.