faith over fear(or I wish)

I'm too insecure.And I hate that.

You know what,I know what I am,I know that people see me as unaproachable,or too uptight,and I know that most of the time I'm too scared to let go,of being my own person...I'm too shy too,and I hate to admit that,but I hide behind my clothes,and my books and my fancy shoes,to distract everyone else from the fact that I can't be like them.

I'm a runner,I always try to scape when things are going too good.I'll never be the kind of girl who feels safe and happy being in a long term relationship,that can dress whatever she wants and feel amazing,I'll never be the kind of girl who feels beautiful without no make up on or has no self image issues.

I wish I was,tough.It's way easier to be confident,to voice your opinions whatever you feel like it,to trust people,to trust myself to be who I am and not be ashamed of any of it.I'd love to be like the girls in my class,always so bubbly,so easygoing and talkative,cracking jokes all the time,without even worrying if they'll sound ridiculous.

I'm sick of being the quiet one,to take too long to trust people and of always running away whenever I'm feeling something different...and good.I guess I'm just too afraid of messing it all up,I'm guess I find it safer if I just keep my distance you know,I'm scared to let go and get hurt,I'm scared that something bad is going to happen if I feel too happy,like it's wrong or I don't deserve it.

But I know I do,everybody does,I just wish I could feel it all,without being too overwhelmed or afraid,I wish I could feel it all just being me and let all the pain,all the fear go away...

I just don't know how.