.

There this one question that I can say I spent my whole life avoiding the answer or denying it,I don't really know...But I just cannot pretend anymore,the truth is out and it hurts the worst,but I can't scape it.

I think someday,when things were different,I was his little girl,and my dad would do anything for me,he was my hero,he was the one who could protect me from the bad stuff and I miss this time so much!But I grew up,things happened and I think we both changed too much,and we've grown apart in a way that there's no more dialog or walks on the beach or Teddy Bears when I get sick.Now the only thing left are silent rides on my way to college and awkward meetings on the hallway.

And I know he thinks I'm stupid too.That he thinks I don't know a damn thing about the world or about people,but I know way more than he does.At least,in my weird,stuck up way I know I should look them in the eye when they talk to me and give them the least bit of respect,so they'll respect me too.

Well,the question I was so desperately trying to avoid is if he really loves me,if someday he had,and the answer is no,he never did.He just did what he was obligated to and out of convenience,but he doesn't love me.And I know this is gonna sound bitter,but he doesn't love anyone.

I mean,no father in the world would make his kid go through all of this.

And I'm so freaking desappointed and it hurts so fucking much that I can't even begin to describe it!It's plain horrible and I know I'll never be able to forgive him completely or heal completely,I know it'll always hurt when I think about it,but I still can't stop caring about him...

I guess that's just it,I was living in a fairy tale,and the truth is kinda too much,but I still need him,I still miss this other part of me that I know it's his to fill,and it hurts,hurts,hurts...